New Year's Eve

Today it is snowing, and husband has taken DD17 out to drive. She got her license last winter, but had her surgery soon after and couldn't drive for six weeks (nor wanted to). So, she doesn't have much experience in very bad weather. And while I am certainly a coward in driving with teenagers, husband's nerves are much better. She has to learn, and he's a better teacher than I am. I'd like to get her into a defensive driving course, but they are not very near by and usually at inconvenient times for us. I probably should take one myself.

The holidays are almost over, and for the most part were pleasant and relaxing. I did catch the cold the kids brought home, but I seem to be over it in a very short period of time. I drank lots of tea and made lots of chicken soup, and other than some lingering sinus issues, I feel pretty good. Now we just have to finish up the sweets and the rich(er) holiday foods hanging around, and we'll be ready to usher in the New Year on a hopefully healthy note.

I'm not sorry to see 2009 end. It didn't start very well and illness did seem to dominate it in one form or another in my extended family. However, I have no desire to stay up until midnight to toss the calendar into the fire like I did at the end of 2004. That was a symbolic gesture I planned for a long time that year.

So my wish for 2010 is good health for all near and dear. Because without that, everything else is meaningless.

Monday Musings

The weekend's big snowstorm was a welcome respite during this crazy busy time. We were stuck at home, and did have to miss a family event out of state, but the forced downtime was good. I did more baking, went to a neighbor's party, and finished decorating. Better late than never. Sometimes I have to push myself to get into the spirit of the season. Often I wonder, why bother? All the trappings can seem meaningless when I get into a mental funk as I start dreading January and all its memories.

I called the hospital and asked to have an MRI, radiation follow-up, and oncology visit on one day. I asked for a day in late January, once DD17 is finished with her mid-terms. They will get back to me once they coordinate the three different appointments. That's how it works.

So I will try not think of that visit until I have to...I've done my part in booking it. The rest is out of my hands. Meanwhile, we have a bit more shopping to do, and then hopefully can really catch our breath and enjoy the spiritual part of the season. There is a small shrine nearby, decorated with lights, and piped-in (religious) Christmas music. It's very nice and very peaceful, and we try to get there once during the season to enjoy a nighttime stroll. (There is another, bigger shrine a bit further away, but we only went once and then crossed it off our list. Let's just say the busloads of people and the excessive lighting displays were the opposite of peaceful. For some reason, the place just screams "velvet Jesus" to me, like velvet Elvis.)

The older two kids have caught colds. There's a bad one going around, and I don't think my two are getting enough rest. Both have a lot of homework and stay up late finishing it. DD17 is just slower with her homework, while DS16 doesn't get home from sports until dinner time. I'm hoping DS13 doesn't catch it, because then I'll have the asthma worry to deal with. But I really can't complain...they've been relatively healthy so far this school season. Their nutrition is good and they get enough exercise, so I hope that's enough to fight off most bugs, and make any illness they do catch of short duration.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to stay healthy too. Trying not to dip into the Christmas cookies (I froze most of them right away). Trying to exercise daily, and include an outdoor walk, too. 'Cause it would all fall apart if Mom gets sick.

A Christmas Cookie...Chocolate Cranberry Biscotti

Biscotti are a twice-baked cookie, traditionally flavored with almonds or anise. The dough is first shaped into a log and baked. After cooling, the log is cut into slices and the slices are baked again, producing a crisp cookie perfect for dunking into milk, coffee, or even wine.

I've never been crazy about traditional biscotti, but recently saw a recipe in Parade magazine for a chocolate and cranberry-studded version. This one's more to my liking, and I see now how you can make infinite varieties of biscotti. I'll be sure to try other flavors, too.

Chocolate Biscotti

2 cups flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
6 Tbsp. unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
3/4 cup dried cranberries
3/4 cup mini chocolate chips

Sift together dry ingredients. Beat butter and sugar together until very smooth, then beat in the eggs. Mix in dry ingredients until blended. Fold in cranberries and chips. Divide dough in half. Put pieces on opposite sides of a parchment-lined baking sheet. Shape each into a 12-inch-long, 1/2-inch-thick log. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes; cool 20 minutes. Slice into 1/2-inch-thick cookies. Stand them up in the baking sheet, separated; bake for 15 minutes. Cool to room temperature.

These will continue to crisp up for a few hours after cooling. They make a pretty and tasty addition to any cookie tray, and freeze very well.

A Christmas Cookie...Chocolate Crinkles

Christmas cookies are a once-a-year indulgence. Holiday treats are part of every heritage, and the key is moderation. I'd rather my children consume real food--no matter how rich--than be tempted by the platters of store-bought goods and candies that are everywhere this time of year.

A couple of years ago I started baking for the holidays. I mean really baking. When DD17 was in treatment and we were stuck inside away from crowds, I decided to make as many different kinds of Christmas cookies as I could. Call it therapy, a creative outlet, or maybe even a way to jumpstart better memories.

So now I'm the designated Christmas cookie baker in my extended family, and other people around me have come to expect cookies, too. Everyone has their favorites, but I'll always try something new and occasionally even drop a favorite cookie recipe (when DD17 was diagnosed with nut allergies, I sadly stopped making most of the nut cookies which are so popular around the holidays).

Here's a recipe for Chocolate Crinkles. I've modified a couple of recipes to come up with this one, and you can certainly modify it further with different chocolates or deeper coffee flavor (one recipe I've seen uses espresso powder, of which I've never used, but I suspect is delicious here).

Chocolate Crinkles

1/2 cup butter
4 squares unsweetened chocolate
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. salt
2 cups flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. instant coffee granules
1 cup powdered sugar

In small saucepan, melt butter and chocolate. Let cool slightly. In mixer, blend sugar and chocolate/butter mixture. Add eggs, one at a time, until well mixed. Add vanilla. Sift together salt, flour, baking powder, and coffee granules. Add to mixer and blend well. Chill several hours, or overnight. Heat oven to 350. Drop teaspoonfuls of dough into powdered sugar. Roll around and shape into balls. Place about 2 inches apart on greased cookie sheets. Bake 10-12 minutes. Move to racks to cool. Makes about 50 cookies.

Weekend

We picked out a Christmas tree today. We laugh about how efficient we are now, compared to when the kids were much younger. Back then, we would drive 45 minutes in October to a Christmas tree farm, tag the tree we liked, and return in December to cut it down and bring it home. We felt so bucolic. Now we barely have a free hour on most weekends to get to the local nursery and pick one out, pre-cut. It's no longer an event, just another item on the to-do list.

Today it's sunny out and very cold. I've noticed that my mood is so much more positive when the sun is shining this time of year. I've tried to get out for a walk most days...it really does help me get out of my head. I've been putting off calling the hospital and scheduling the January appointments with MRI, oncology, and radiation. I think I have to ask for a gradient echo MRI this time (I'll have to check The Notebook, where I journal details of every appointment and hospitalization. And it's a place to jot down questions or concerns for future appointments). The gradient echo MRI will look for cavernous malformations, as more can develop. Add in the spinal MRI (brain tumor cells can travel to the spine) and it's sure to be a long day.

DD17 had a friend over for dinner last night and then the two of them went to a holiday play at the high school. She was looking forward to this all week. I love when she says "I'm happy." In some ways her life is so complex, and in other ways it is so simple. She has very few teenage dramas in her life. I guess major illness can do that to you.

I'd like to bake some Christmas cookies, but I don't know if I'll have much time tomorrow. And I *have* to get started with Christmas shopping. We've cut way, way back the last few years, but there's still plenty to do. Not sure why the holidays snuck up on us, but they did.

A Meat Sauce for Pasta

Thanks goodness for pasta. We must eat it three times a week, with leftovers going to lunches or even snacks (hey, I have teenagers). It fills up the kids, is economical, and is very, very flexible. Just change the sauce and you have a different meal.

Meat sauces are always popular, where the meat adds flavor but is not the star attraction. A smaller amount of meat goes a long way if simmered in a sauce. And a meat sauce makes a heartier pasta dish, perfect for winter appetites. One meat sauce I make is a slow-simmered pork sauce, using bone-in spareribs. The other day, however, I was rifling through my collection of old Cook's Illustrated and noticed a recipe for a meat sauce using beef short ribs. I was intrigued, since I had never tried a sauce with beef ribs before.

Beef short ribs are meatier and bigger than pork spareribs. They are also a bit more expensive, but for use in a pasta dish, you need one small package. These look huge, but really are mostly bones.

According to the recipe, liberally salt and pepper the ribs and saute in about a tablespoon of olive oil, browning on all sides.

Remove the ribs to a plate, and pour off all but one teaspoon of the oil. Add one onion, finely chopped, and cook for about 2 minutes. Add 1/2 cup of wine and cook for another few minutes, or until wine reduces. Then add one 28-oz can of diced tomatoes and the ribs. Simmer for about 2 hours, or until meat is tender.

Remove ribs and shred meat, returning meat to pot. Serve over pasta. Sprinkle with grated Parmesan or Romano.

It was very good, and very similar to how I make a meat sauce with pork ribs. I don't usually chop the onion, preferring to saute it whole with the meat and removing it before serving. This gives a more subtle onion flavor, without pieces floating in the sauce. And normally I don't shred the meat, serving it separately for whoever would like a piece.

You can do the same thing with some small lamb bones, which are my favorite--absolutely delicious. The technique is the same. Of course, you can saute some finely chopped carrots and celery with the onion, further enriching the sauce, and picky little appetites need never know.

H1N1 Update

The high school flu clinic went so well that the Board of Health nurses wanted the same volunteers to work another clinic for elementary school-age children and young adults only. I said I would work it if I could get my own son a shot, even though he fell between the two age groups. They said no. Guess I'm not a good negotiator.

So I called the pediatrician and begged to have DS12 put on a priority list. They agreed with me he appeared to be falling through the cracks, but would put him at the bottom of their list until more shots came in.

And more shots finally did arrive...he will be getting his shot after school on Thursday. The office initially said they were running a clinic later in the week, but then offered to give him his shot at a time of my convenience. Maybe someone finally felt sorry for me. I am so glad I will be able to cross this worry off my list.

Cancer-fighting Citrus

My favorite winter fruits are starting to appear in the market--clementines! They are so sweet and so portable, a perfect lunchbox snack for kids as well as adults.

Everyone knows citrus fruits contain Vitamin C, but more importantly, they can help fight cancer too. Oranges and other citrus fruits provide several anticancer phytochemical compounds, according to Foods to Fight Cancer. And the book Anticancer: A New Way of Life specifically recommends the grated zest of tangerines as a food that fights brain cancer. (Of course, organic tangerines make sense if you are going to eat the zest.)

We love citrus as is, or stirred into yogurt. DD17 will stir tangerine zest into yogurt, too. And most of us will have a glass of juice in the morning, with our breakfast. Citrus really is an easy addition to the cancer-fighting diet.

A More Cheerful Post

Yesterday's melancholy post deserves a rebuttal today. There are good things about the holidays, certainly, and reasons to look forward to them. Here, then, are my favorite parts of the holiday season:

• Two of the kids are in their school bands, and the bands are very, very good. The holiday concerts are wonderful and celebratory, and it's nice to gather afterwards with the families at a reception.
• Christmas cookies: I do go overboard baking many different kinds, because I will only do it this one time of the year. We all have our favorites, and look forward to those as well as any new ones I might try.
• Family games nights...we love our board games (Scrabble, Yahtzee, Monopoly) and the competition is fierce. Really, what's better than being couped up in the dark, cold winter with no where to go and the family gathered around the table? I know I will cherish memories of these times, thankful the kids still liked us enough to want to hang with us.
• Celebrations of lights...tree lightings, religious/shrines lit up with walking trails through the displays.
• Extended family gatherings, even though sometimes they can be stressful!
• After dark sledding in the yard...we have spotlights out the back and a safe steep incline. Okay, I'll admit it....I do insist on helmets.
• A fire in the fireplace.

Amazing what a good night's sleep will do for my perspective on the season.

First Snow

It snowed last night, not for the first time, but this time it appears to be sticking around. The first substantial snowfall of the season is always so pretty and so dramatic. It truly takes your breath away.

The snow started during last night's holiday concert at the high school. It was magical emerging from the school into the parking lot and seeing the snowflakes coming down, as if on cue. Of course, the driving was dicey, but we live about 15 minutes from the school, so it was OK.

Maybe the snow will put me in the holiday spirit. The Christmas season has been difficult for me the last five years because DD17's symptoms started at the tail end of the holiday season, and she was diagnosed very soon afterwards. So the holidays are always a reminder of "that time." And last year's deja-vu-like MRI at the five-year mark was like a knife cutting into an old wound.

I know the holidays are often difficult for lots of people, not just me. The rampant consumerism and the pressure to celebrate just add stress to already stressed lives. I just wonder if I will ever enjoy the season the same way again, before cancer became a part of our lives. Well, it's just another reminder to take it one day at a time, and just let be what is. There's no right or wrong way to feel, and I just have to accept how I'm feeling at any given moment, and not fight it. It helps to focus on the religious aspect of the holiday, and separate that out from all the rest. Of all things, that keeps me centered.

I know, though, that Spring seems far away.

Staying Involved--Helicopter Parents

Tonight the high school has parent-teacher conferences planned. They are very short...obviously not the time nor place to discuss major issues. But because they are so short, we always go to meet the teacher and put a face to a name. Did my parents go to my high school conferences? I don't really remember, but it's doubtful. It was a different time.

We don't really need to go...the kids do well in school and usually there's not much to say other than "nice to meet you" and hear (hopefully) how well they are doing. But all the kids *want* us to go. Is that weird? I don't know...I'm just glad they want us involved (to a point) in their academic lives. Not that they could keep me out if they wanted to.

Am I a helicopter parent? Time magazine recently had an article on helicopter parents and I confess seeing something of myself in there. But I guess I don't really care. One thing I do know is that life is short and our time with our children is shorter. I will embrace every moment I can be involved with and part of their lives, as long as they want me there. So take that, Time.

I fully expect to have frequent texts and emails and cell phone calls from DD17 when she goes off to college. Thank goodness we have so many ways to keep in touch. I would worry constantly about her in particular if she couldn't check in often. I do encourage her to solve her own problems when she comes to me, but I will not disengage.

Tonight will be the last parent-teacher conference I will ever attend for DD17. That phase of our lives is ending. I am glad I have no regrets for the time I spent with her. My only regret is that it's going by much too quickly.

H1N1 Clinic

The high school held its H1N1 clinic as scheduled, and the older two received their shots. I volunteered at the clinic, filling out paperwork as the kids came through at their scheduled times. It was very interesting and very organized. Kudos to our school nurse, who said she's been planning this since August.

The middle school, however, has not had a clinic yet nor is one planned. You would think both schools would fall under the same umbrella, but they are in different towns. And, based on some comments I heard, there is some unnecessary bureaucracy and turfdom issues involved. Big sigh...why can't we all play nice?

Anyway, I was quite impressed by this mass inoculation. There weren't any problems, aside from just a handful of nervous kids. If the government (local, national) could get it together, I would almost suggest this is the way to go for all flu clinics. Three hours of injections and a good percentage of the school population is covered. Easier for the parents, too. (Obviously, many people opted out, or already got a shot from their healthcare provider.)

Now the hunt is on for a shot for DS12, the child who really needs one.