First Snow

It snowed last night, not for the first time, but this time it appears to be sticking around. The first substantial snowfall of the season is always so pretty and so dramatic. It truly takes your breath away.

The snow started during last night's holiday concert at the high school. It was magical emerging from the school into the parking lot and seeing the snowflakes coming down, as if on cue. Of course, the driving was dicey, but we live about 15 minutes from the school, so it was OK.

Maybe the snow will put me in the holiday spirit. The Christmas season has been difficult for me the last five years because DD17's symptoms started at the tail end of the holiday season, and she was diagnosed very soon afterwards. So the holidays are always a reminder of "that time." And last year's deja-vu-like MRI at the five-year mark was like a knife cutting into an old wound.

I know the holidays are often difficult for lots of people, not just me. The rampant consumerism and the pressure to celebrate just add stress to already stressed lives. I just wonder if I will ever enjoy the season the same way again, before cancer became a part of our lives. Well, it's just another reminder to take it one day at a time, and just let be what is. There's no right or wrong way to feel, and I just have to accept how I'm feeling at any given moment, and not fight it. It helps to focus on the religious aspect of the holiday, and separate that out from all the rest. Of all things, that keeps me centered.

I know, though, that Spring seems far away.